WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Before we even get into what you should do in your relationship, let’s start with what not to do.

“Don’t ever be with someone because someone else pressured you to. I got married the first time because I was raised Catholic and that’s what you were supposed to do. Wrong. I got married the second time because I was miserable and lonely and thought having a loving wife would fix everything for me. Also wrong. Took me three tries to figure out what should have been obvious from the beginning, the only reason you should ever be with the person you’re with is because you simply love being around them. It really is that simple.”

– Greg

When I sent out my request to readers for advice, I asked people who were on their second or third (or fourth) marriages what they did wrong the first few times.

By far, the most common answer was “being with the person for the wrong reasons.”

Some of these wrong reasons included:

Pressure from friends and family
Feeling like a “loser” because they were single and settling for the first person that came along
Being together for image — because the relationship looked good on paper (or in photos), not because the two people actually admired each other.
Being young and naive and hopelessly in love and thinking that love would solve everything.
Relationship advice that's not from a Disney movie

Everything that makes a relationship “work” (and by work, I mean that it is happy and sustainable for both people involved) requires a genuine, deep-level admiration for each other. Without that mutual admiration, everything else will unravel.

The other “wrong” reason to enter into a relationship is, like Greg said, to “fix” yourself. This desire to use the love of someone else to soothe your own emotional problems inevitably leads to codependence, an unhealthy and damaging dynamic between two people where there exists a tacit agreement to use each other’s love as a distraction from one’s own self-loathing. We’ll get more into codependence later, but for now, it’s useful to point out that love, itself, is neutral. It is something that can be both healthy or unhealthy, helpful or harmful, depending on why and how you love someone else and are loved by someone else. By itself, love is never enough to sustain a relationship.

Corps member and her husband arrested for allegedly chaining their househelp and leaving her under the sun because of a N10 sweet

A 26-year-old corps member and her husband have been accused of maltreating their househelp.

Agatha Egodi Philip-Iboko, a mother-of-one, was arrested alongside her husband Philip Iboko for allegedly torturing their eight-year-old househelp, Osinakachukwu.
Only days earlier, a photo of the househelp lying in the open, under the sun, her legs and hands chained together, went viral after a neighbour of the couple posted the photo online.


The neighbour explained that the young househelp was subjected to child abuse because she ate part of the N10 sweet they bought for their two-year-old daughter.

Corps member and her husband arrested for allegedly chaining their househelp and leaving her under the sun because of a N10 sweet
It angered Nigerians and they called for the arrest of the child's guardians.

Prior to this incident, Agatha, who is serving with the ministry of Agriculture, Ebonyi State, had put up photos of her househelp and praised her for her "undying goodwill towards others" and for being a great caretaker for her daughter Doris.

Corps member and her husband arrested for allegedly chaining their househelp and leaving her under the sun because of a N10 sweet.
Following the arrest of Agatha and her husband, Osinakachukwu was placed in the custody of the council Chairman of the Izzi LGA, Chief Paul Nwogha.

#lindaikeji

Wanted Rivers IPOB Leader Cries Out, 21 Members Arrested, Begs Wike

The suspected leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra, Stanley Mgbere, who was declared wanted by the Rivers State Government for allegedly perpetrating violence in Onne, Eleme Local Government Area, has denied being a member of the proscribed group.

Governor Nyesom Wike had placed a N50m bounty on Mgbere’s head for anyone who could give any information that would lead to his arrest, saying he led IPOB members to cause violence in Onne.

But speaking from his hideout in a video posted on Facebook, Mgbere said the information given to the governor about him, which necessitated Wike’s action against him, was false.

He said though he was part of the #EndSARS protest in Onne, it was a peaceful one like what happened in other parts of the country, noting that he was a free-born from Onne.

He stated, “What happened in Onne was a peaceful protest and it was not done by only the community; it was done by Nigerians. But at the end, they said I am a member of IPOB. I am not a member of IPOB. I am a full indigene of Onne clan, which everybody knows.

“I am not aware of what they are saying and I am not aware of what they are telling the governor. Please, at this very moment, I am begging the governor not to listen to anything they are telling him because they are all lies.

“I beg on the masses and beg everybody to share this video because my hands are clean. I know what I am facing right now, but I will never give up. Thank you very much and God bless you all.”

Meanwhile, the police in Rivers State have said they arrested 21 suspected members of the proscribed Indigenous People of Biafra for allegedly attacking four police stations, during which three policemen were killed.

The Commissioner of Police, Joseph Mukan, during a press briefing at the command headquarters in Port Harcourt on Monday, said the police, in collaboration with sister security agencies, had restored order in the worst hit Oyigbo Local Government Area and other places.

Mukan said, “It is with a heavy heart that I address you this afternoon on the recent attacks in the state, leading to the loss of lives and destruction of properties

They equally extended their attack to the Afam Police Station and burnt it down. In all, they burned down three police stations and vandalised one. Several vehicles were burnt and three policemen were hacked to death.

“On Saturday, October 24, I led other service commanders of sister security agencies for an on-the-spot assessment to the Oyigbo LGA and the adjoining area; consequently, deployments were made to forestall further breakdown of law and order, and as we speak, there is relative peace in the Oyigbo LGA.

“We will continue to closely monitor the area, because that axis has been discovered to be a stronghold of IPOB. Necessary measures have already been taken and by the grace of God, the IPOB stronghold will be finally dislodged.”

Mukan gave the names of the slain officers as Inspector Sunday Dubon, Sergeant Swawale Ornan and Sergeant Umunna Uchechukwu.

However, IPOB’s Media and Publicity Secretary, Emma Powerful, denied the group’s alleged involvement in the attack.

#punchng

Lekki: ASCAB Identified The Barracks Of Soldiers Who Shot Protesters - Falana

Falana: We’ve identified the barracks of soldiers who shot protesters in Lekki

Femi Falana, human rights lawyer, says the Alliance on Surviving COVID-19 And Beyond (ASCA has identified the barracks of the soldiers who opened fire on protesters at Lekki toll gate in Lagos.

On Tuesday, soldiers opened fire on the protesters who blocked the toll gate while demanding an end to police brutality.

The issue sparked an outrage across the globe.

Speaking when he featured on ARISE TV on Monday, Falana, who is chairman of ASCAB, said the group has been able to trace the barracks where the soldiers came from.

“We have already identified the barracks where the soldiers left for Lekki, we have already identified the barracks,” Falana said.

“The President was likely to have been told, soldiers were ordered so I want to believe that’s why it was not addressed and they said it was a rumour but I think the facts are emerging now, that indeed soldiers went to Lekki, indeed they fired at protesters and indeed some of the protesters at least two have been officially acknowledged to have died from gunshot wounds.”

He said ASCAB would establish an independent panel of inquiry to investigate the October 20 shooting of protesters at Lekki toll plaza.

“ASCAB shall establish an Independent National Citizen’s Panel of Inquiry under a number of conditions Composition of the Citizen’s Panel of Inquiry shall comprise representatives of credible and identified organisations of the youth that took part in the #endsars protest movement, including the Feminist Coalition, among others; representatives of credible and tested civil society organisations,” he said.

Falana also accused the federal government of having no respect for the rule of law and citizens rights to protest.

He said constant denials from the federal government and its agencies clearly does show Nigeria as a serious country.

“I have never seen it anywhere in the world where in the federal capital of a country where you have all the embassies, you have unmarked vehicles taking thugs round and it was being filmed and the thugs were being ferried by officials of the government and we are being told it’s not the State Security Service and in Lagos it was not the Nigerian Army that shot,” he said.

“Such denials do not portray Nigeria as a serious country, because it is the duty of the government anywhere in the world to trace those criminals and bring them to book.

“Nigerian government has no respect for the rule of law and have ensured they stave off all forms of protests in the country.

“Every designated venue for protest in the country have been fenced by government to prevent demonstrations. In Lagos, the Gani Fawehinmin square in Lagos has been fenced while the Unity fountain in Abuja has also been fenced, and the same government has said citizens have the right to protest.”

#thecableng #lekkishoot #endsars

Ikpeazu Declares Tuesday Public Holiday To Clean Up Abia

Governor Okezie Ikpeazu of Abia state has declared Tuesday 27th day of October, 2020 as a public holiday to enable citizens participate in cleaning upstate, ABN TV reports.

This according to the government is following the littering of the state after the #endsars protest in Aba and Umuahia the state capital.

The time of this exercise is between 8.00am to 30pm.

In a statement signed by the Chief of Staff to the governor, Dr. ACB Agbazuere, Abians are advised to come out with packers, brooms, wastebaskets, and other kits with take part in the exercise.

"In view of the wanton destruction of property and other infrastructure during the #endsars PROTESTS and littering of debris all over the state, Abia State Governor, Okezie Victor Ikpeazu, Ph.D has approved the general cleaning of our major cities of Aba and Umuahia," he said.

Agbazuere further added, "Abia State Environmental Protection Agency (ASEPA) and all ASEPA staff are to fully mobilize and deploy every equipment.

"Abians including electricians and welders are called upon to come out with brooms, packers, bin bags, and join in this cleanup exercise.

"Takeoff point for Aba will be ASEPA office, opposite NEPA, Aba. While takeoff point for Umuahia will be School Road Primary School, Umuahia.

"Consequently, the Governor has declared Tuesday 27th day of October, 2020 a public holiday to enable everyone to participate in the cleanup exercise".

#vanguard

Abubakar Maigandi: Fuel Scarcity May Last For Two Weeks

National Vice President of The Independent Petroleum Marketers Association of Nigeria (IPMAN), Alhaji Abubakar Maigandi, has said the scarcity of petroleum products that hit some States may last for up to two weeks.

Most of retail stations in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) were on Monday under lock and key.

Those that were opened to customers, ceased vending before dusk.

The Nation had reported last week on imminent fuel scarcity.

Speaking with The Nation on phone, he blamed the scarcity on the EndSARS protests across the country.

According to him, Lagos, which is the epicentre of the crisis, also harbours most of petrol depots.

He noted the protest have degenerated to an imposition of a curfew, which has brought the haulage of products to a halt.

Maigandi said besides the curfew in Lagos, the marketers are afraid their truck might run into a crossfire and probably being set ablaze.

He explained since the stoppage of haulage of products has lasted for over a week, it might take some weeks to return to normalcy.

The National Vice President, however, said there is availability of stock.

He urged consumers to desist from panic buying.

He said: “You shouldn’t ask why petrol is scarce. Last week, I told you that some depots were not loading products.

“I told you that becuase of the protests our loaded trucks were parked in some yards for fear of being set on fire.

“It may take up to two weeks to normalise the situation. One good thing is that the products are available. So, customers should not involve themselves in panic buying. “
#punchng

#asuustrike: Why We Haven't Called Off Strike

THE Academic Staff Union of Universities has said it has yet to call off its ongoing strike because it is waiting for the government to conduct an integrity test on the University Transparency and Accountability Solution.

The UTAS is the payment platform created by ASUU in place of government’s Integrated Payroll and Personnel Information System.

ASSU President, Prof. Biodun Ogunyemi in an interview with The PUNCH said the government needed to give the clearance to National Information Technology Development Agency to conduct integrity test on UTAS.

“The integrity test will be handled by NITDA, it is government that will facilitate it because NITDA is a government, agency and unless you get clearance from the government that test cannot be conducted.”

While speaking on whether the government had accepted UTAS, Ogunyemi said, “We are still talking, we have given them the position of our members, we are thinking we should be able to hold a meeting this week if they have not changed plans.

The meeting for Monday was postponed. In principal, they have accepted UTAS and told us to go for the test, and on our part, we have started the process. We had presented UTAS at three levels, starting with the Ministry of Education, Senate President and members of his team, officials of Ministry of Finance and Office of the Accountant General of the Federation, where all other stakeholders were present, including NITDA, all stakeholders have witnessed the presentation and the next stage of integrity test is what we are moving in to.

If government facilitates it, it is not something that should drag for too long at all. We don’t foresee any problem with UTAS; it also depends on how early the government makes it possible for the integrity test to be conducted.”

Ogunyemi also explained that ASUU was ready to resume academic activities if the government was ready to play its part.

“Our members are ready to resume work as early as government is ready to play its part. I’m sure you are not suggesting that our members should resume on empty stomach or the strike should be suspended without any concrete action on the side of the government. We don’t like to stay away from our work because we like our students, they are also our children.

As far as we are concerned, we don’t have issue with going back to work, but we want more sincerity on the side of government.

“We have not seen enough reasons to believe that they don’t mean what they are telling us but as soon as we see any sign to that effect. we will tell Nigerians.”


#punchng

Pay-per-view: Premier League fans raise £300,000 as scheme set to continue

Premier League fans boycotting pay-per-view games have raised over £300,000 for charity - but the controversial TV scheme is set to continue at least until next month's international break.

Matches that are outside the scheduled TV broadcast selections are available on BT Sport Box Office or Sky Sports Box Office for £14.95 per game.

Games had been available free-to-air since the Premier League returned without fans in June.

But that changed in early October.

Clubs said the pay-to-view measure was an "interim solution" to allow fans to watch their teams live.

However, on Monday Newcastle owner Mike Ashley called for a review, saying fans had "overwhelmingly rejected" the scheme and it should be reduced to £4.95 per game until Christmas. The pricing will be debated at a Premier League shareholders meeting on Tuesday.

The model is set to be extended to the matches on 6, 7 and 8 November, but it is understood clubs are likely to delay a longer-term decision until nearer to the Premier League getting back under way on 21 November.

The clubs, which voted 19-1 in favour of the move initially, want to wait on the latest information from the government regarding the return of fans to games.

On 9 November, the government will debate a petition about the return of fans which received more than 198,000 signatures.

BT Sport and Sky Sports reportedly want the pay-per-view model to be scrapped because of concerns about the damage it is doing to their reputation. The broadcasters provided an estimate of costs to produce the pay-per-view games and the Premier League sets the price.

The Premier League announced their broadcast picks for November on Friday, but there was no mention of pay-to-view games, with the league saying "additional broadcast selections will be announced in due course".

The move has drawn criticism from football supporters, while former Manchester United and England right-back Gary Neville, now a Sky pundit, said the system "just needs scrapping".

Speaking on Sky Sports' Monday Night Football, Neville added: "It's finished, no one is paying for it, no one is watching it, it's done."

Which fans have donated in protest?
There have so far been nine pay-per-view games since the model started with Chelsea's home game against Southampton on Saturday, 17 October.

Liverpool fans raised over £120,000 for North Liverpool food bank after their 2-1 victory against Sheffield United on Saturday, while Leeds fans donated £57,000 instead of paying to watch their side win 3-0 at Aston Villa on Friday.

The NUFC Fans Food Bank group has made over £60,000 after fans boycotted Newcastle's 4-1 defeat against Manchester United last weekend, while Tottenham Hotspur fans have already raised in the region of £16,000 despite their first pay-pay-view game not being until their home match against Brighton on 1 November.

Arsenal fans had donated £30,000 up to kick-off in their 1-0 defeat by Leicester on Sunday, with West Brom, Sheffield United and Fulham fans also contributing.

Manchester United and Manchester City supporters have given £25,000 to a local foodbank - despite City not yet having featured in a pay-per-view game, as have West Ham fans.

Simon Huthwaite, from the St Andrew's Community Network, which runs the North Liverpool food bank, said the donation will make a "huge difference".

"St Andrew's Community Network has been superbly supported by fans of both Everton and Liverpool and we are indebted to Fans Supporting Foodbanks for their unwavering dedication and coordination over the last five years," he said.

"The £120,000 raised in such a short space of time is really an incredible testament to the fact that local people really understand and have totally got behind the battle against food insecurity and food poverty."

Martin Cloake, the co-chair of the Tottenham Hotspur Supporters Trust, said their involvement had come from "fan anger" and "that there was also a growing realisation that food banks really need our help".

Leeds Supporters Trust called the charges "excessive" with fans already having subscriptions to sport channels and many still paying for a season ticket.

The next pay-pay-view match is Brighton's home game against West Brom at 17:30 GMT on Monday.

#bbcsports

Marseille 20: 00 Man City Tuesday 27TH OCTOBER 2020

Manchester City will be without record goalscorer Sergio Aguero against Marseille on Tuesday and the striker could be out for a month.

Aguero, 32, playing just his third game since recovering from a knee operation, sustained a muscle problem and was taken off at half-time at West Ham in the Premier League on Saturday.

Centre-back Aymeric Laporte has travelled to France for City's second Champions League Group C game and Kevin De Bruyne is in contention to start after Saturday's substitute appearance.

However, Fernandinho, Benjamin Mendy and Nathan Ake also miss the behind-closed-doors encounter at the Stade Velodrome

City, who have dropped points in three of their five Premier League games, now have problems in the centre forward position, with Aguero joining Gabriel Jesus on the sidelines.

Asked how long the Argentine - who had knee surgery in June - would be out, City boss Pep Guardiola said: "It depends on the injury. When it is minimum it will be 10-15 days. If it is longer it will be three weeks to a month. I don't know.

"When you are four or five months out (with) knee problems, always you have a risk when you come back.

"We tried to handle it as well as possible, just 50-55 minutes a game, but it was not enough to get fit for the next games. He will be back as soon as possible."

Chances of qualifying?
Entertainment data company Gracenote says Manchester City have 98% chance of progressing to the knockout stages of the Champions League.

Simon Gleave, head of sports analysis at Nielsen's Gracenote, said: "Manchester City's win against FC Porto last week improved City's chance of progress by 2% to 98% according to the Euro Club Index. There is now a 90% chance that City will win Group C."

#bbcsports