One Unavoidable fact that must happen in your Relationship.
YOU AND YOUR PARTNER WILL GROW AND CHANGE IN UNEXPECTED WAYS; EMBRACE IT
“Over the course of 20 years we both have changed tremendously. We have changed faiths, political parties, numerous hair colors and styles, but we love each other and possibly even more [than we once did]. Our grown kids constantly tell their friends what hopeless romantics we are. And the biggest thing that keeps us strong is not giving a **** about what anyone else says about our relationship.”
– Dotti
One theme that came up repeatedly, especially with those married 20+ years, was how much each individual will change as the decades roll on, and how ready each of you have to be to embrace these changes. One reader commented that at her wedding, an elderly family member told her, “One day many years from now, you will wake up and your spouse will be a different person–make sure you fall in love with that person, too.”
It follows that if there is a bedrock of respect for each individual’s interests and values underpinning the relationship, and each individual is encouraged to foster their own growth and development, that each person will, as time goes on, evolve in different and unexpected ways. It’s then up to the couple to communicate and make sure that they are consistently a) aware of the changes going on in their partner, and b) continually accepting and respecting those changes as they occur.
And I’m not talking about the small stuff; I’m talking some pretty serious life changes. Remember, if you’re going to spend decades together, some really heavy **** will hit (and break) the fan. Among major life changes people told me their marriages went through (and survived) were: changing religions; moving countries; death of family members (including children); supporting elderly family members; changing political beliefs; even changing sexual orientation; and in a couple cases, realigning gender identification.
Amazingly, these couples survived because their respect for each other allowed them to adapt and allow each person to continue to flourish and grow.
“When you commit to someone, you don’t actually know who you’re committing to. You know who they are today, but you have no idea who this person is going to be in five years, ten years. You have to be prepared for the unexpected, and truly ask yourself if you admire this person regardless of the superficial (or not-so-superficial) details, because I promise almost all of [those details] at some point are going to either change or go away.”
– Michael
Being open to this amount of change isn’t easy, of course; in fact, it will be downright soul-destroying at times. And that is why you need to make sure you and your partner know how to fight.
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP MEANS TWO HEALTHY INDIVIDUALS
“Understand that it is up to you to make yourself happy, it is NOT the job of your spouse. I am not saying you shouldn’t do nice things for each other, or that your partner can’t make you happy sometimes. I am just saying don’t lay expectations on your partner to make you happy. It is not their responsibility. Figure out as individuals what makes you happy as an individual, then you each bring that to the relationship.”
– Mandy
Everyone talks about “sacrifices” in a relationship. You’re supposed to keep the relationship happy by consistently sacrificing yourself to your partner and their wants and needs.
It’s true that every relationship requires each person to consciously choose to give something up at times. The problem comes when all of the relationship’s happiness is contingent on the other person, and both people are in a constant state of sacrifice. Just read that again. Doesn’t it sound horrible? A relationship based on constant and mutual sacrifices can’t be sustained and will eventually become damaging to both individuals.
“Shitty, codependent relationships have an inherent stability because you’re both locked in an implicit bargain to tolerate the other person’s bad behavior because they’re tolerating yours, and neither of you wants to be alone. On the surface, it seems like [a case of] “compromising in relationships because that’s what people do,” but the reality is that resentments build up, and both parties become the other person’s emotional hostage against having to face and deal with their own bull**** (it took me 14 years to realize this, by the way).”
– Karen
A healthy and happy relationship requires two healthy and happy individuals. Keyword here: “individuals.” That means two people with their own identities, their own interests and perspectives, and things they do by themselves, on their own time.
This is why attempting to control your partner (or submitting control over yourself to your partner) to make them “happy” ultimately backfires — it allows the individual identities of each person to be destroyed, those very identities that attracted each other and brought them together in the first place.
“Don’t try to change them. This is the person you chose. They were good enough to marry so don’t expect them to change now.”
– Allison
“Don’t ever give up who you are for the person you’re with. It will only backfire and make you both miserable. Have the courage to be who you are, and most importantly, let your partner be who they are. Those are the two people who fell in love with each other in the first place.”
– Dave
But how does one do this? The answer comes from something hundreds and hundreds of successful couples said in their emails:
Barcelona president Josep Maria Bartomeu and his entire board of directors resign
Barcelona president Josep Maria Bartomeu and his entire board of directors resign
Barcelona president, Josep Maria Bartomeu and his entire board of directors have resigned following increasing pressure from fans and his public fall-out with the club's striker, Lionel Messi.
Bartomeu, who became president in 2014, was set to receive a vote of no confidence as fans tried to push for his removal.
At a press conference on Tuesday evening, October 27, in Nou Camp, he announced the decision to walk away following a board meeting on Monday in Catalonia after the 3-1 El Clasico defeat to Real Madrid.
President Josep Maria Bartomeu announces the resignation of the FC Barcelona Board of Directors. pic.twitter.com/Xr9pBoUzHM
After the Monday meeting, Bartomeu had insisted that he would not step down, despite an impending vote of no confidence.
He said: 'There is no reason for me to resign. 'It's not an appropriate time to hand in my resignation. No one will be able to make the decisions if I decide to resign.
'The idea of stepping down has never crossed my mind. Never.'
An interim board will now take over and prepare for presidential elections.
Bartomeu was the centre of Lionel Messi's criticisms when he announced his shock transfer request to Barcelona earlier this summer.
The Barcelona captain accused the president of not keeping his words, saying: 'I told the president and, well, the president always said that at the end of the season I could decide if I wanted to go or if I wanted to stay and in the end he did not keep his word.'
#lindaikeji
Serial nicknamed lucifer murdered 48 inmates during his 25 years behind bars.
Marcos Paulo da Silva, 42, was first put in prison when he was 18-years-old for stealing, but soon emerged as a vicious killer who has been known to decapitate and disembowel his victims
A serial killer nicknamed 'Lucifer' has been accused of murdering 48 other inmates during his 25 years behind bars.
The extent of Marcos Paulo da Silva's violence has earned him comparisons to Britain’s most dangerous prisoner, Charles Bronson.
The 42-year-old Brazilian was just 18 when he was first incarcerated for petty theft in 1995 but soon emerged as a vicious killer.
He is said to have murdered five inmates in one go in Serra Azul Jail in Sao Paulo in 2011 in one of his most bloodiest attacks to date.
His signature is to cut his victims’ heads off and disembowel them after killing them.
Da Silva will likely die behind bars after racking up multiple convictions and sentences totalling 217 years - although he has yet to be tried for many of his alleged crimes.
Da Silva is said to have told a judge recently: “I have no regrets about killing all these people.
“They were rapists and thieves who took advantage of other inmates and robbed them.”
His astonishing prison history was laid bare in a recent report by Brazilian online firm UOL which has been picked up by newspapers in South America as well as Portugal.
He has been described as the leader of a gang of assassins created with the mission of murdering members of the PCC, one of Brazil’s leading gangs formed by inmates as a self-protection group in the country’s brutal prison system.
Prison guards told UOL it was only a “question of time” before da Silva, covered in tattoos which include skulls, devils and a Swastika, kills again once he is transferred to a new prison.
He switched allegiances and turned against PCC after joining the gang as a 19-year-old following his first teenage conviction.
He reportedly used a fire extinguisher to knock his Serra Azul Prison victims unconscious before beheading them with a home-made knife in his most infamous jail massacre to date.
He is said to have yelled: “I love this, there’s so few, I want to kill more prisoners” as he snubbed out their lives.
The number of prisons willing to take him is now drying up. Psychologists say he is not mentally ill but does suffer from a personality disorder that needs to be urgently treated.
Papers Filed Against Tinubu, Alpha Beta Burnt In Court —lawyer
The lawsuit instituted against All Progressives Congress chieftain, Bola Tinubu, and tax consultancy firm, Alpha Beta Consulting, by a former Managing Director of Alpha Beta, Dapo Apara, has suffered a setback due to the burning of the Lagos State High Court in Igbosere in the wake of the #endsars protests.
Apara’s lawyer, Mr. Tade Ipadeola, stated this during an interview with The PUNCH on Tuesday.
He said, “Everything in Igbosere High Court got burnt including the registrar’s copy of our application. In fact, the whole building was burnt to ashes. So, we will have to file again. The registry has been moved to Ikeja.
“We may have to file the case afresh at the Ikeja High Court but we have not yet been instructed to do so.”
Apara had sued the company, Tinubu and the current Managing Director of the firm, Akin Doherty.
In the writ of summons marked LD/7330GCMW/2020, Apara asked the respondents to appear within 42 days or judgment may be given in their absence.
Apara had in his statement of claim stated that Tinubu controlled the company which was receiving 10 per cent of the taxes collected on behalf of the state.
The former MD said as the head of the company, he began looking into its finances and he made many startling discoveries such as mysterious transfers of over N20bn to various companies.
He stated, “N550million payment to Ocean Trust Ltd vide payment instruction dated the 15/5/18 N850million payment to Ocean Trust Ltd vide payment instruction dated the 14/3/15.”
The claimant said N960 million was spent on purchasing HITV’s 300,000,000 shares.
Apara stated that Tinubu was furious that he was looking into the company’s finances and this led to his demotion and eventual exit.
However, Alpha Beta Tax consultancy firm, Alpha Beta LLP, denied allegations levelled against it by Apara, adding that he had diverted about $5m during his time as managing director by inflating a contract which was worth about $300,000 and then diverted a separate N6bn to personal use.
The firm said it had reported Apara’s alleged fraud to the appropriate authorities but he had refused to show up and rather remained in Dubai.
The firm said Apara’s allegations levelled against Tinubu were specious and diversionary.
Lagos State, which is the epicentre of the #endsars protests, witnessed wanton destruction following the shooting of unarmed protesters at the Lekki toll plaza by soldiers on October 20, 2020
On October 21, hoodlums took to the streets, burning over 10 police stations, two media houses, private business premises, courts and government facilities including the office of the Nigerian Ports Authority on Lagos Island.
#punchng
Governor Ugwuanyi Constitutes Panel On Victims Of EndSARS Protests In Enugu
Governor Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi of Enugu State has constituted a 9-member Administrative Panel of Inquiry to look into the recent loss of lives and/or other grievous bodily injuries to private citizens and security personnel, resulting from the hijack by miscreants of the otherwise peaceful #endsars protests.
The panel will also look into the related destruction of properties of private citizens and security infrastructure in Enugu State.
According to a statement by the Secretary to the State Government (SSG), Prof. Simon Uchenna Ortuanya, the panel was constituted by Gov. Ugwuanyi “pursuant to Executive Order No. 04 of 2020 dated 27th October, 2020, made in the exercise of his powers under Section 4 (1) of the Commission of Inquiry Law Cap. 24 of the Revised Laws of Enugu State 2004”.
Prof. Ortuanya stated that the terms of reference of the panel, which has sixty days to conclude and submit its report to the governor, are “to identify private persons and security personnel who lost their lives and recommend compensation that may be paid to their families” and “to identify private persons and security personnel who sustained grievous bodily injuries and recommend compensation that may be paid to them”.
Other terms of reference are “to determine private properties and security infrastructure destroyed and recommend compensation and/or remedial measures” and “make any recommendations arising out of the evidence, considerations or findings of the Administrative Panel in relation to the matters set out in paragraphs a – c above that the panel considers appropriate”.
The SSG disclosed that membership of the panel, which will be inaugurated on Wednesday, October 28, 2020 at the Government House, Enugu at 1pm include - Justice Fredrick Obieze, (Rtd.) - Chairman; Professor Frank Ezugwu (Provost, ESUTH College of Medicine) - Member; Professor Agozie Ogbodo (Dean, Faculty of Law, Godfrey Okoye University) - Member; H.R.H. Igwe Emmanuel Ugwu(Traditional Ruler of Ibagwa Nike) - Member; Professor Ngozi Ejionueme (Head, Department of Marketing, ESUT) - Member.
Others are Rev. Emmanuel Edeh (CAN Chairman in Enugu State) –Member; Chief Frank Maluze (Chartered Estate Surveyor and Valuer) – Member; Comrade Modester Onwuha (Vice-President, SUG, University of Nigeria, Enugu Campus) - Member; Barrister Ben. Chinedu Oloko (Private Legal Practitioner representing the Youths) – Member and Mr. Charles Abugu (Permanent Secretary, Office of the Head of Service) – Secretary.
#nairaland
FG DECLARES THURSDAY OCTOBER 29, 2020 PUBLIC HOLIDAY TO MARK EIDUL-MAWLID CELEBRATION
The FG has declared Thursday October 29, 2020 as Public Holiday to mark this year's Eidul-Mawlid Celebration in commemoration of the birth of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him).
Minister of Interior, Ogbeni Rauf Aregbesola (@raufaregbesola) who made the declaration on behalf of the Federal Government, congratulated the Muslim faithful both at home and abroad for witnessing this year's occasion.
He enjoined them to imbibe the spirit of love, patience and perseverance which are the virtues of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), adding that doing so would guarantee peace and security in the country.
The Minister admonished Muslims to follow the teaching of the Holy Quran in Chapter 4 Verse 59 which says: “O you who believe! Obey God and obey the Messenger, and those from among you who are vested with authority; and if you are to dispute among yourselves about anything, refer it to God and the Messenger, if indeed you believe in God and the Last Day. This is the best (for you), and fairest in the end”
Ogbeni Aregbesola enjoined Nigerians, particularly Muslims, at this moment, to abhor violence, lawlessness, wantonness and daylight robbery as witnessed across the country most recently, stressing that Nigeria is the pride of the black race and should provide responsible leadership for the greatness and development of the African continent and all black people.
While calling for a stop to all divisive tendencies across the country, he urged all Nigerians & the youth in particular, to embrace peace & cooperate with the President @MBuhari led-Administration in its effort to build a virile nation, which all citizens can be proud of.
Ogbeni Aregbesola who described the youth as the hope and future of the nation advised them further to deepen democracy and not dampen it. For him, it is with more democracy that we can overcome our challenges, noting that the challenges of nationhood that we face are surmountable if we work through the democratic process. He wishes all Muslims a happy Eidul- Mawlid Celebration and all Nigerians a Happy Holiday.
SIGNED
Mohammed Manga
Director (Press & Public Relations)
For: Honourable Minister
27th October, 2020
#punchng
4 Nigerian Slangs Currently Making The Rounds On Social Media
Nigerians are engineered to find mirth in almost everything and so it is no surprise that amidst the nationwide protest to end police brutality, there has been a burst of witty memes, short videos and new slangs on social media.
The surprising thing is that these humour-based expressions in no way trivialized the ongoing protest. In fact, this funny clips serves the deeper function of educating people using the language they are conversant with; humour.
But slangs are the focus of this article.
It has been employed liberally in the last two weeks, so much so that one in every quip on social media is delivered with one or more of these humour bombs.
How are slangs created? According to popular opinion, slangs are coined by everyday people with an above-average, vocabulary signature that they have consciously altered to suit their need for an expanded expression.
And although they are often created by everyday people, they catch on only when deployed by celebrities or influential individuals.
So, we put together a few of the slangs currently making the rounds on social media to help you remember and maybe laugh a little.
SORO SOKE
If slangs had a military ranking, ‘Soro Soke‘ would be a brigadier general. It has been used so much by the protesting collective in the last two weeks that it is probably the most used hash tag after the END SARS hash tag.
This particular slang, roughly translated means ‘speak up’ and it became some sort of anger-based directive demanding a feedback or a vocabulary used to mock an unpopular opinion.
WAHALA BE LIKE BICYCLE
This slang or quip always comes from a place of humour, preceding a humourous situation, video or text.
It is some sort of preparation for a less than-stellar occurrence and using those lines help the audience know that someone has been placed on the ‘naughty’ scale and have been found wanting.
WEREY DEY DISGUISE
As far as cyber insults go, ‘Werey dey disguise’ tops the list of the vilest.
It is a choice insult, period. Roughly translated, it means ‘a mad man’s attempt to disguise.’
When used, the expression is always employed as a full-frontal verbal attack at another person’s exposed trickery.
Its delivery, when done by a seasoned internet troll, is a delight to see.
WE MOVE
This is a nudge to heed some form of clarion call. It received notoriety alongside its partner slang ‘soro soke’ with the rise of the #endsars movement, when it was used countless times in collaboration with it.
The term’s virality made it good enough to be hashtagged hundreds of times in the last two weeks.
‘We move’ is self explanatory and is an encouragement to advance, in spite of adverse circumstances.