HOW TO REKINDLE THE FIRE IN YOUR SEXY LOVELIFE

When a man and a woman have been together for a while, it is easy for the fire and intimacy to die down. The passion may not be as it used to be, the marriage can be reduced to a set of boring routine and the excitement can become flat. The first step to getting the fire back is to accept that things have changed for the worse and acknowledgement that for the rekindle to occur, there must be active effort put by both. The fire can be rekindled when you:

1. CHANGE YOUR LOOK
If corporate brands change their look after a few years to appeal to the market, also change your look to appeal to your partner. No matter how good you've been dressing, your partner is already used to it. Buy new clothes, buy new underwear, new lingerie, try a new hairstiyle, work out for a finer physique so that your partner sees you in a new exciting light; rebrand

2. MOVE TO A NEW HOUSE
Changing the environment can help in exciting the senses and add wonder when you are together

3. DO A BEDROOM MAKE OVER
Rearrange things, discard old stuff, buy need stuff, paint the walls a different color; montony is boring. The bedroom should be the most desirable room to be in, change your bedroom settings and do it together so that you both own the make over

4. APOLOGIZE AND FORGIVE
It is hard to have intimacy when issues are unresolved and hidden under the carpet. Don't run away from issues, issues are normal in relationships; love is not the absence of issues, love is the capacity to keep issues from poisoning your warmth. Apologize when you wrong, forgive when wronged

5. GO OUT ON DATES
Go for a holiday, a picnic, a date outside together. A different set up makes you two focus on each other in the thrill of a new venue. Just because you are married doesn't mean you stop dating each other

6. SAY NO PORN
Ask yourself, why do people watch porn? - for sexual stimulation... Depending on porn for sexual stimulation robs your spouse of the full power to stimulate you. Does it mean that your spouse lacks capacity to stimulate you? If so, watching porn doesn't help but makes the situation worse. Porn makes sex cheap and yet the act is part of intimacy. Bring intimacy back, turn off the porn so that your spouse has your full surrender and attention and you are both forced to try as hard as you can to turn each other on and make that climax not just the most intense but the most special

7. COMMIT AFRESH
As your fire has been dwindling, questions have lingered in your partner and you. "Do you love me the same? Do you even love me at all?"... Allay those fears by reaffirming your love for each other. This is why some couples celebrate Anniversaries. Affirmation demolishes the doubts and frees both of you to keep giving your all

8. KEEP THE CHILD/CHILDREN AWAY
It's good to have kids and to be around them, but sometimes keep the children away so that mom and dad can have their alone time. Protect your love from the children's interferance, for if your love is messed up the quality of your parenthood will suffer too

9. AVOID HURTING
Minimize hurting, refrain from hurting each other. A hurting heart finds it difficult to fire up to intimacy

10. KISS MORE
Kissing brings two people together, the more you kiss the more you melt to intimacy. Deep, long, passionate kisses

11. PRAY
God cares about your sex life and intimacy; take your sex and intimacy problems to God together

12. ALLOCATE QUALITY TIME
Don't be passive but actively schedule uninterrupted time. Too many couples dangerously find themselves going through the motions, other things have priority but time together is a by the way

13. HAVE A NO WORK TIME ZONE
It is good to work for your family but your work shouldn't come between you and your spouse. Don't carry work to the bedroom or make your spouse feel denied your attention because you wedded your spouse but you're married to your work

14. KEEP TECHNOLOGY AWAY
Technology can be harmful to your intimacy if it's left to disrupt your time together. Your partner wants to talk to you, to kiss you, to cuddle, to make love, to have your undivided attention but your eyes are busy playing a game on the tablet, chatting on phone, Facebooking, Tweeting, Instagraming. For the sake of love, put away the gadget

15. DANCE MORE
Dancing adds to the fire; it doesn't matter how great a dancer you are or your partner is. Sensual dancing is most ideal for intimacy; salsa, lingala, slow dancing as your bodies grind together

16. HAVE PILLOW TALKS
As the rest of the world is chased away, recline on the bed and have pillow talks. Talks not about bills, responsibilities but about love, emotions, feelings, sex and thoughts

17. WRITE LOVE LETTERS
Leave notes for each other written sweet stuff, leave a note for her on the bed or a note for him in his laptop. Something to make him/her smile, something short and sweet made personal by your handwriting

18. LET GO OF DISTRACTIONS
Those people you flirt with and excuse yourself saying you are not cheating as long as you don't have sex with them, block them. Entertaining distractions reduces the effort you should be putting towards enriching your love life

19. INVEST IN NEW SCENTS
Buy a new perfume/cologne; introduce your partner to a new exciting scent that will invite your partner to unveil you and be around you

20. LET LOOSE
Stop being rigid, be open to change. Experiment, try new sex positions, talk the nice kind of dirty, tease, be playful, play out love scenes.
#relationship
#marriage
#intimacy

BEING FAITHFUL IS NOT ENOUGH

Are you faithful to your spouse? Good!

But just because you are not cheating doesn't necessarily mean you are an amazing spouse.

1. Are you emotionally there for your spouse? Do you take time to connect with your spouse or are you faithful but making your spouse feel lonely?

2. Are you a good and present parent? Do you help out in raising the children or have you distanced yourself from parenthood? Do you intentionally participate in the bringing up of the children or are you faithful but making your spouse feel like a single parent?

3. Are you responsible with your finances? Have you brought strain to the family resources? Are you making sound financial choices or are you faithful but sinking your family wealth?

4. Are you satisfying your spouse's sexual needs? Are you great in bed and making your spouse feel good? Are you giving your spouse pleasure or are you faithful but presiding over a sexually boring marriage?

5. Are you supportive? Are you keen on cheering your spouse on in growth? Do you help your spouse achieve their dreams or are you faithful but discouraging or disinterested in your spouse's progress?

6. Are you kind? Do you speak to your spouse well? Do you speak with love and peace or are you mean, domineering and rude? Are your words pleasant or are you faithful but hurtful with your words?

7. Are you passionate about love? Does your spouse see desire in your eyes? Do you look forward to doing things with your spouse or you don't do dates or fun things? Do you make memories with your spouse or are you faithful but in a dead marriage of no activity?

8. Are you spiritually alive? Do you pray with your spouse, lead your spouse closer to God? Does your spouse see God in you? Do you enrich your spouse's walk or are you faithful but a stumbling block?

9. Are you encouraging? When your spouse hits rock bottom do you judge your spouse? Do you put your spouse down or are you faithful but demeaning?

10. Are you truthful? Do you tell your spouse the truth? Do you keep secrets? Are you honest or are you faithful but with a record of lies that hurt?

11. Are you pleasant to look at and desirable? Do you look good and smell good? Do you work on your appearance or are you faithful but smelly, unkempt, don't care in your presentation and distasteful?

12. Are your conversations stimulating? Do your stories your spouse up? Are you fun to talk to or are you faithful but a gossip, immature in reasoning, shallow and uninspiring?

13. Are you a good listener? Do you give your spouse room to talk and share his/her opinion or are you faithful but manipulative, selfish and only want things to go your way?

14. Are you abusive? Do you insult your spouse, do you make your spouse feel attacked, do you throw things at your spouse or hit your spouse? Are you non-violent or are you faithful but abusive?

Sadly, we have reduced the standard of a good spouse to one who doesn't cheat, yet there is so much more to being a good spouse.

Are you really a good spouse?

MY WIFE TREATS ME COLDLY

Good afternoon ma'am.

Please, I need your advice.

I don't want to pretend not to know where my problem is coming from.

I know I'll be dragged but if a solution would come from there I don't mind.

I was never the best husband.

I was the kind of husband who wanted what he wanted at any time.

When my wife got pregnant with our first child I wasn't kind to her.

I was one of those men who believed that women exaggerated too much about everything.

I know that pregnancy and labour are stressful and painful but not the way many women today exaggerate.

By the way, our mothers had 8-10 children.

If it was as painful as many women claim it is today, I doubt they would have had that many children.

So when she got pregnant I never assisted her in any way.

I expected her to do all the housework like she used to before she got pregnant.

She complained but I didn't pay any attention to her.

I hung out with my friends like my life depended on it.

She cried most of the time but I didn't care because I didn't do anything bad to her.

I asked for special dishes and expected her to meet my conjugal needs.

This continued all through pregnancy.

The day she went into labour I was at home.

She came to inform me and seemed like she was in so much pain.

I told her to snap out of the act because she knew labour was not as painful as women had made it look.

She thought I was joking but when I continued watching skits online she knew I wasn't joking.

She screamed in pain until our landlord and his wife came to knock on the door.

I opened the door before someone would think I was hi.tt.ing her.

They came in and the landlord’s wife saw her and said it looked like she was in labour.

I said yes she was but I couldn't understand why she was screaming and pretending to be in pain.

Two of them exchanged glances before his wife asked where's your hospital bag.

My wife pointed to somewhere in the sitting room.

She grabbed it and they took my wife with them.

The landlord called some younger guys to help carry my wife to their car because she could no longer walk.

I watched them from the terrace until they drove off.

I saw how these men were touching my wife all in the name of carrying her because she was in labour and couldn't work and vowed never to go to that hospital.

I vowed that they'd pay the hospital bills and provide for the baby.

I was expecting the landlord to inform me that my wife had given birth but I never heard anything and pride didn't let me call.

A few days later my wife returned home and the landlord and his wife brought her.

They were carrying two babies and that was when I found out that she was even pregnant with twins.

No one said anything to me.

They helped my wife settle in.

I was expecting to hear how much her delivery cost but no one said anything to me.

I was completely ignored.

As a result, I left the house angrily and didn't return for a few days.

I was expecting to be called but no one did.

Out of anger, I told my wife that her mother couldn't come to my house.

If she wanted her to come she should find her own apartment.

To my surprise, she moved in with our landlord.

They live alone and all their children are grown and married.

The landlord's wife was already looking after her as her Mum wasn't yet around.

A few days later, her Mum arrived and I thought she would have come to speak to me to hear my side of the story but she didn't.

She nursed her daughter back to good health in the Landlord's house.

I used to boil in anger each time I heard their laughter.

Her Mum stayed for 3 months before leaving and not once did she knock on my door.

I confronted her just before she left and she didn't say a word to me.

I told her that she should take her daughter with her because our marriage is over and I now doubted that the children were mine.

She just said I should do as I please but return their daughter like I took her to her father's house with my family if I no longer wanted her.

I felt so much pain seeing the Landlord holding my children like they were his or he was their grandfather.

One day I confronted him and his wife and they didn't even say a word.

I thought other tenants would come to my aid but no one did.

When the children turned 6 months old, my wife returned to the apartment.

The Landlord's wife still stopped by to look after the children.

She held them when my wife resumed work.

Gradually I realised that I played no role in her life or that of our children.

She never felt any pain I wanted her to feel.

They had shielded her.

I then realized she had become so cold towards me.

I swallowed my pride and approached our landlord and his wife to complain to them.

They tongued lashed me at first before telling me that I was very cr.uel.

They said they had watched how I treated my wife all through pregnancy.

They watched her return from the market with two heavy sacks, and even when I was home I wouldn't help her.

They said they gave up on me after the way I behaved when my wife was in labour and even crying and I said she was pretending.

His wife told me that women never forget how you treat them when they are pregnant.

He said my wife could never relate to me normally again because I was too cr.uel to her when she needed me most.

I left their apartment shattered.

I've apologized to my wife but nothing has changed.

It's been 18 months now and it's still the same thing.

She's very cold towards me.

I have turned a new leaf but she doesn't take me seriously.

She's just nonchalant to all my efforts.

Please is there another way to let her know that I'm sorry?

I used to hear that women never forget how you treat them when they are pregnant but I thought it was a joke.

Now I know better and I'm sorry.

Please what can I do?

I've tried reaching out to her family but I'm having cold feet because of how I've related to them.

Please help me because I'm desperate.

I don't like how I'm living with my wife.

We are worse than Roommates.

I know some people would advise that I marry another woman or get a side chick but please that's not what I need.

I'll be reading the comments.

All I'll say is that if you take a poll, many people can relate to this scenario.

Pregnancy changes a lot and also reveals a lot.

I just hope you can work this out even though it seems very unlikely but you never know.

Over to the elders.

Mr. Jude Idada shares his encounter at a public medical facility.
Here's what he said:
---
I went there.

This medical laboratory.

One run by the government.

One of the tall laboratory scientists was dazzling to look at and conservatively dressed.

She routinely came out and chatted with us all as she coordinated the sample taking.

A young man sitting two seats away from me.

Who had authority in his mien and a certain material comfort in his dressing spoke to her to everyone's hearing.

"Madam, good morning. Has any one told you that you are a very beautiful woman?"

She turned to him as we all listened in.

"No o. This is a work place. No body talks of beauty. It is hard work we compliment here."

"In that case, you are a very beautiful and hardworking woman."

"Thank you for your comment about my hardworking nature. We are trying to show you people that government establishments can be as efficient as private companies, even though the staff are paid little because you pay little."

"That is not good madam, you deserve to make money. In fact I am imagining how you will look if someone spends good money on you."

"Please o. I don't want anyone to spend money on me. I want to spend money on myself. That is why I want to be paid more for the work I do here, if you people agree to pay more for government services."

People laughed and cracked jokes at her expense.

And the man stayed on her with zero focus, a sly smile on his face.

He started speaking again as people convoked a jocular bedlam.

"Madam, what if I take you to dinner and show you how I can spend money on you while making you earn the money?"

She titled her gaze from the folks she had been in a friendly banter and settled it on him.

"Dinner?"

"Yes. Any restaurant of your choice any where in Lagos."

She lifted her hand up, fingers spread out on which there was a wedding band and a studded engagement ring.

"I hope that you can see that I am a married woman."

"Yes. But it makes no difference."

"It makes no difference to take a married woman out for dinner?"

"Yes. You will go home after dinner. So it has no effect on your marriage."

"And what will I tell my husband that I am going to?:

"You are an adult, I expect that you have known him long enough to know what to tell him and what not to tell him."

Everyone fell silent and turned to him.

He was sitting at the edge of his seat.

Confidence oozing out.

She was staring down at him.

"And if I know that he will not permit me to go out to dinner with you?"

"Then if I were you, I will either ask for forgiveness after I have gone out for dinner with me or I will tell him that something came up at work that demands me staying late."

"Oh no o! I cannot lie to my husband."

"In that case you should ask for forgiveness."

She placed her arms across her chest and turned to him fully.

"What is this thing you want to tell me about that you need dinner to tell me?"

"It is a life changing offer I want to make to you and I believe you deserve to hear it over good food and drinks."

"That is expensive to spend money on just because of an offer."

"It is befitting the occasion."

"If you have so much money why are you at a public hospital?"

"I will tell you why if you come to dinner with me."

She shifted her balance from one leg to the other and held his gaze.

"So if I don't come for this dinner I will not hear this offer from you?"

"Exactly."

"What if I come with my husband for this dinner?"

"Then I will not make the offer and he willl have to pay for the dinner."

"Hmmmm."

People started giving her unsolicited advice.

Most of it funny and eliciting laughter.

She kept looking at him.

He kept looking at her.

Finally she said after sighing and uncrossing her arms.

"I cannot go for dinner with you if I cannot come with my husband."

"Okay."

"But if you give me your number, I will call you when I think about it and let you know if I can do lunch..."

Lagos

Jude Idada
February 22, 2025
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#gisthub